Czernobog's Bin

Games and stories.
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Siege
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Siege »

I agree. The third is the best, for a given value of 'best', becaus even that sounds pretty crap.

I hated the second as soon as I read the word 'German'. Not because I have a problem with the neighbors, but for heaven's sake man, lay off the fucking Germans already.
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Shroom Man 777
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Shroom Man 777 »



Word of advice: The second you lose objectivity in the story or the characters, and backslide into talking about Germany or some whatever alt-hist something-something, uh, stop and reasses yourself. The backdrop (the worldbuilding material, the goddamn grinning Germanians, Goldstein grimaced, etc.) is backdrop is backdrop, and the central focus should be the characters and their exploits and the damn story. If you spend more time describing how the Germans of Space did this or that, and less time describing your characters or what they're doing, it's not going to be that compelling a read.

Seriously. Your fixation with Germans is the most eye-rolling thing, ever. If I had a penny for every time you made another Germany thing, I'd have enough Deutsche Marks to buy myself a shiny brand new schnelling Telefunken Elektroakustik Gesellschaft mit beschränkter Haftung.

I really think it was bad that you ended up reading Stuart Slade's Armageddon at such a young age (and ended up making all those Hell invasion stories). And getting dosed up on alternate history, especially internet alternate history stuff (I mean, published alt-hist stories are already pretty bad, how much more what people make on the net), was probably not a good influence either.


Be that as it may, #3 works better than the rest. Focus on the characters and their exploits, give a little background information but don't do it overmuch, just enough so that the reader understands what's happening, but not so much as to make him bored. But FOCUS on the characters, FOCUS on the fact that Earth is some great vast empty dead planet charnel house, FOCUS on describing the people and what's happening to them.

And seriously, cut it out with the lame on Germany wins world war whatever in past/present/future.
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Czernobog
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Czernobog »

So, in addition to my WH40K novel, I do intend to submit an original novel idea next year.

The question is simple: is this idea, which is the only one I like out of all the others, any good?

The Stars and the Eagle
It is the year 2086, and the future is a nightmare. The USA, now named Columbia, has turned into a fascist, kleptocratic dystopia (think one of the Arab states pre-2011, crossed with Fascist Italy) that has conquered Canada and Central America. Stefani Teliosa, a young New York girl, is recruited into a resistance organisation - little does anyone know, she will have a key role in the restoration of freedom and democracy.
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Czernobog »

Which of these four ideas would you most like me to use for an original novel?

The Stars and the Eagle
It is the year 2086, and the future is a nightmare. The USA, now named Columbia, has turned into a poor, fascist and kleptocratic dystopia (think one of the Arab states pre-2011, crossed with Fascist Italy) that has conquered Canada and Central America. Stefani Teliosa, a young New York girl, is recruited into a resistance organisation - little does anyone know, she will have a key role in the restoration of freedom and democracy.

And Hell Followed With Him (nothing to do with Stuart's Salvation War stories)
It is the year 1081 Anno Domini, and the world is in the Middle Ages. Suddenly, the forces of a place that can only be described as Hell invade Earth. All mankind has going for it is faith and courage, but can those things, petty as they may seem, snatch victory from the jaws of defeat?

Invasion 2011
An alien race invades Earth in the year 2011 in a bid to colonise the planet. What they don't know is that humanity is almost as advanced as them. Can humanity survive against or defeat the alien invaders, or is planet Earth going to become just another conquest?

Zeitgeist
In 1948, Nazi Germany won World War Two with the aid of dark magic, beginning a cold war between it and an Anglo-American Alliance. Now the year is 1986 and the Nazis are undergoing troubles. A pair of US Secret Agents are sent to help resistance against the Nazis - however, unbeknownst to all, their actions will precipitate the downfall of the regime.
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Czernobog »

Just had an awesome idea for a game. Basically, it's about a revolution in a repressive absolute monarchy (precisely where and when we'll get to later) and happens in three phases. The first phase is essentially a standard RP - we play as would-be revolutionaries - perhaps we already have some people gathered to our cause - and meet up, preparing for the brewing storm. The second phase is the revolution proper. Some event drives the masses into a general revolt and the players find themselves as the leaders and decision-makers of the new order.

Depending on what we do at this stage, the revolution may fail, or it may proceed to the third and final-stage - post-revolution. We take places in the new revolutionary government, and must defend our nation from threats within and without. Perhaps a civil war takes place, or a foreign invasion. And there'll be tons of political intrigue and backstabbing, as well as fights between revolutionary factions.

Setting: I think it ought to be grounded somewhat in reality. The when ought to be either late-eighteenth century or early 20th. As for the where, not sure, but I don't think it should be France or Russia (or fantasy versions of those countries) (otherwise I think it would feel just like retreading history - i.e not fun). I don't really have an idea though - perhaps somewhere vaguely German, if we're going in a fantastic direction?
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Heretic »

MMMM..backstabbing..yum...

interesting idea. You could probably use Noxion's Nova Mundi forum game system to make it more fair and balanced, as it has an almost video game point system (you gain so-and-so points every turn, and use those points to do various actions, which you roleplay)
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell
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Czernobog
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Czernobog »

Heretic wrote:MMMM..backstabbing..yum...

interesting idea. You could probably use Noxion's Nova Mundi forum game system to make it more fair and balanced, as it has an almost video game point system (you gain so-and-so points every turn, and use those points to do various actions, which you roleplay)
Hmm...that would be very cool. Perhaps we could use PMs as well, to simulate secret messages?
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Heretic
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Heretic »

Exactly! We could probably also make some uber basic stats for certain units or specialist vanguards, such as sabotage, information gathering, propaganda, internal security, guerrillas, etc.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell
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Czernobog
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Czernobog »

Some poem I submitted to an online magazine a couple of months or so ago.

----

Where are those Titans?

Where are those Titans that stood 'twixt Earth and Sky?
The new breed say their days are very long gone by.
Where is Alexander’s host?
Has Caesar vanished like a ghost?
Where is Alfred, where is Charlemagne?
Have their legends all been slain?
What of those who earned fame?
Have we the new breed to blame?
Those who took history by its horns,
Do they bear now a crown of thorns?
The world is now painted grey,
By many inferior to they.
And so I wonder, shall great men rise once more
As those heroes did so long before?
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Heretic
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Heretic »

Online magazine? Seems interesting. What type of magazine did you submit this to?

Pretty good poem, maybe a bit shorter and more rosier/metaphorical words (though it seems pretty wordy enough). Something about it makes me a bit uncomfortable though. I can't really put my finger on it. I know you are no white supremacist by any means, but I guess I lurked around StormFront a bit too long and seen similar attitudes, except with a different intent than yours. Still, keep up the good work and hope to see your work published legitimately one day.

Now off to try and work on my NaNoWriMo outline...
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
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Czernobog
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Czernobog »

Heretic wrote:Online magazine? Seems interesting. What type of magazine did you submit this to?
Poetry. Was rejected.
Pretty good poem, maybe a bit shorter and more rosier/metaphorical words (though it seems pretty wordy enough). Something about it makes me a bit uncomfortable though. I can't really put my finger on it. I know you are no white supremacist by any means, but I guess I lurked around StormFront a bit too long and seen similar attitudes, except with a different intent than yours. Still, keep up the good work and hope to see your work published legitimately one day.
It's...I dunno. It was written in a state of depression, and it has a sort of 'Ubi sunt' feeling about it, a kind of Spenglerian decline-of-civilisation viewpoint. But it's not intended to be racist - in any case, I find all White Supremacists (and other racist types) to be dangerous dumbasses.
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Re: Czernobog's Bin

Post by Heretic »

Ok, kinda like wondering where mankind's greatest minds and figures are in this Information Age. I dig it.

Damn, that sucks. But don't feel too hard about. I studied what other authors said in the terms of tips, and rejection is going to be very, very common. You gotta keep editing it and sending it around.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell
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